Sometimes I find myself doing things that I know are rotten, things that I hate about myself. And yet I do them anyway. I know that once I say/do whatever it is, I'll instantly feel like a brute. Yet regardless of the consequences, I often find myself spewing forth things that I don't really want to be saying.
For example, at some point in high school I decided that to be cool, I had to despise everything and everyone around me. My friends were the one exception. But I kind of became a hater. I was always negative and critical. I would find myself saying things I didn't really mean just to be critical. And then one day, my dear friend Jay, after listening to me spout off for a while, turned and said "You know, being negative doesn't make you cool. It's actually really annoying. You should stop." I was so shocked that I don't think I even had time to be offended. No one had ever said anything like that to me (well, I'm sure my parents did, but none of my peers had) and I knew she was right- it was totally and completely irritating.
Since then I've tried to be less negative and critical. I think I've done well with the negative part of things...and not so well with the criticizing. My excuse: I think it's in my blood to be critical. No really, it's imbedded in my genes. We Hills have a need to be critical (not just you Faut, it's the whole fam). But that's not really a legitimate reason. I think deep down (ok, maybe not so deep) I kind of like criticizing. It kind of makes me feel good. For a little while, at least. Oh, I always feel bad later, but by then (I hope) people have forgotten what I've said about such and such a celebrity or political idea or popular book.
I think everyone has their own "pet" vices, things they know they should stop doing, maybe even things they want to stop doing, but for whatever reason, they don't or can't. I suppose this is one of mine. My other favorite sin I find less offensive than this, but that's a story for another day. What's yours?
6 comments:
Oh dear. Perhaps my favorite sin is getting you to criticize something with me. Gulp!
Hmm. I think the word "critique" sounds less harsh and sinful than "criticize." If I just use the former, maybs I'll feel better about getting cranky and complain-y. ;)
In all honesty, though, I can see what you are saying about being negative and critical. They are not the most becoming attributes. Although I think that critiquing has its own proper place (in a graduate seminar, for example), there definitely are inappropriate times for one to criticize. And I think there's a difference between critiquing and being downright mean (and I don't think that you are a downright mean person).
My other favorite little vice (that I usually can refrain from doing)? Hanging up on telemarketers.
In order:
Pride
Sloth
Gluttony
Lust
Wrath
Envy
Avarice
I have been toying with this notion lately myself. I am also prone to criticizing and, while I sometimes find it funny, it can also be exhausting and negative. However, the other day I was overhearing a conversation between two jewish coworkers about kvetching. Evidently, in both of their families, a constant, droning stream of complaints was not only not problematic, it was seen as a perfectly natural way of asserting ones' self in the world. It was not seen as negative at all. Think of it as criticizing for empowerment.
I'm not sure if I can use this excuse completely, but I thought it was interesting food for thought. How many of our "vices" are culture bound? And in which instances do we agree with the culture?
Incidentally, I have always found you quite a pleasant presence :)
I have no vices. I am completely perfect in every way.
;)
Fautie says:
Ah yes I must say you come by some of your critical nature by genetics. It is just we Hills have such keen and bright minds that we look at things from all angles :-).
But seriously, this is something that takes work to keep in check and use when appropriate. I would like to say I do well at it but that would be a dang lie. I do better but still have work to do.
I just want to say that Melyngoch's response is awesome. Thanks.
I have a lot of vices. They get worse when I am tired and when I have too much estrogen. hee hee.
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