a lesson on Muslim headscarves

If you've ever wondered the difference between a burka, hijab, and chador (or wondered what they are in general), check out this article from the bbc. It's about a law passed in Belgium that bans women from wearing a burka, but if you scroll down about halfway, there's a lovely set of pictures with accompanying explanation about headscarves.

Last week my eye doctor thought I might possibly have a brain tumor or MS or optic neuritis or something else dreadful. So for a week and a half I did too. After tears and hysteria followed by extreme anxiety, I settled into a nice indifferent sort of mood. After all, I rationalized, it couldn't possibly be me who has something horrible like MS, right? Other people get that. Not me. I'd rather have a brain tumor. So then I had an mri and waited for the results (and waited and waited and nearly blew up at the most idiotic, unhelpful morons at the radiologist's office)...

...and finally found out that my brain is free and clear of anything nasty.

Disaster averted, for now. Hopefully the spots I'm seeing in my right eye will disappear within the next month or so, leaving me only with an unpleasant memory and high bills.

faith

I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. My patriarchal blessing says that I have been blessed with great faith. And as a child and teenager, that was easy to believe, especially since nothing bad every really happened to me. Oh, I had my "trials" just like everyone else, but nothing that really challenged my beliefs. But I've started wondering how to have faith but also have your heart aligned with God's will.

For example, If I were to develop a terrible disease, I'm totally, 100% sure that if God wanted it, I could be cured. No problem. But does He want to? What if it's His will that I suffer? What if there's "something I'm supposed to learn" from said ailment? All the faith in the world won't change God's will....or could it? If I had stronger faith, would I be healed, even if it's not part of God's plan for me?

So how do I know what God wants for me? How do I pray the "right" way and ask only for those things which God wants for my life? What if my faith is great, but not placed in the right area? Is my my faith then in vain, and I end up a bitter, dying old woman? Or must I accept that whatever God does is the best thing...

...but then, does God have an active hand in everything that happens to us? Do some things just happen because they happen and God just observes? Are these things really planned out for us?

I have so many questions.

some thoughts/worries

1- I'm looking for the perfect shade flowers to plant around my house. Perennials would be nice, but not mandatory. Any suggestions?

2- Sunday morning I woke up to whitish spots in my right eye. I immediately assumed I was going blind (my greatest fear since I first got glasses at the age of 7), and rushed to the doctor Monday afternoon. Since then, I've gone to 2 eye doctors and 1 retina specialist. I had my eye poked, prodded (literally) and puffed with air, dilated twice, and several color photographs and scans done (which I'm sure cost a fortune...I can't wait to see the bill for all this). And after all that, they still don't know what's wrong with me. It could be nothing. Or it could be something terrible, but the doctor refuses to tell me lest I start needlessly worrying and assuming the worst. Which I'm already doing, of course.

3- I've decided I need to get rid of/stop wearing all of my flowy shirts. I've had 2 students ask me if I'm pregnant in the past week. Once I show them my non-pregnant stomach, they're convinced, but really. It's getting a little old. And then another student asked if something was wrong with me because I'm pink instead of white or brown (and I wasn't blushing). What can I say, I was blessed with a ruddy complexion.

4- Three more weeks til the end of the semester. I'm going to be very sad to leave these students behind. Aside from some dear but rather...demanding level 2 students (who would learn a lot faster if they actually listened for a few minutes) these 2 classes have been some of my best. They've definitely made up for the beasts from last fall.

5- I miss blogging.