Tonight I feel flustered. I've been having some difficulties with a particular ESL student and just read an email from her that basically told me she hates my class, my class assignments don't improve her English, and that she thinks I do my best to make the Korean students crazy. I promptly directed a feisty reply telling her exactly what I thought of her bad attitude and rudeness (don't worry, it was direct, but still polite). I know everything I said was perfectly justified; she's the one with the problem, not me. And I know that not all of my students are going to love everything I do in my class. Or that they're not all going to love me. I know these things. But it's just so disheartening when I put my best ideas and best effort forth, and someone, or worse, several someones, hate them. In my mind it means they hate me. And I should be ok with that, but apparently my tough "rhino skin," as my mom always called it, hasn't really grown in yet. I'm too sensitive for my own good.

So after an episode like tonight, all of my ambitious and creative ideas are beat down into submission, and I think maybe it would be better to just stick to the books. Why try doing anything interesting if everyone is going to hate it (ie hate me). I now feel flustered and upset and anxious and generally in turmoil. And I hate that almost more than I hate when people hate me.