When I was 18 or so, I remember proudly asserting that I had more guy friends than girls because girls could be so hard to get along with, that I preferred being friends with guys to girls. And there are several things wrong with that.
First of all, I changed my tune about preferring male friends a long time ago. I suppose it was around the time that I got married (and most of my male friends suddenly disappeared). But I realized that my girl friends understood things about me and about my life that most men never will. And more importantly, they understand things from a female perspective. Trivial things like the trial of finding jeans that fit one's bottom and having sore bosoms at that time of the month, or more important things like sexism and discrimination or childbirth (which I obviously can't completely empathize with at this point, but the fact that I could in the future I think gives me a leg up on any man). So why would I say something like I did? I've always considered myself a feminist, even back then. Equal rights for all, just don't make me hang out with women, please! There's something dreadfully wrong with that sentiment.
Maybe the root is in our patriarchal society, the media, and maybe even women themselves. Men dominate, they believe they're superior to women (consciously or subconsciously) and therefore men demean women, so women demean women to be accepted as "one of the guys" (which is totally what I was doing...trying to impress some guys, I'm sure). I'm not one of those annoying girls. I'm a guys' girl. I'm cool. I'm tough. I'm unemotional and strong. I don't need women. And this is such a damaging attitude. Damaging because it's built upon false pretenses: strong is only a manly attribute; women are overly emotional, women are annoying, women aren't cool. Damaging because it's a woman belittling womankind.
Have any of you ladies (or gentleman) noticed this or is it just me? How does one teach women (or teenage girls) to be proud of being a woman because they are women. Not because they're "nurturers" or beautiful or dainty or whatever. I think one's identity as a woman has to be something more than that. But what? Ladies, what makes you proud to be a woman? Or are you proud to be a woman? Thoughts?
I'm adding another question after the fact: how much of what makes you a woman is based on cultural constructs, and does that even matter?
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| My lovely cousins Sarah and Jane came to visit this weekend. Happy Easter! |
6 comments:
I'm proud to be a woman because I AM a nurturer. I have natural stewardship to take care of the earth, my family, and those around me. I am proud to be a woman because it makes me a better listener, more capable of talking about my feelings, and more empathetic, I think. I'm proud to be a woman because, while I may be physically weaker than many mean, I have unique strengths and abilities, like having really awesome abs less than a year after there was a person busting them apart from the inside. I am better with kids than most men. I am prettier than most men. I have made huge strides to control the mood swings that come with my unique hormonal profile. I turned two cells into a 17-pound human using my uterus and breasts. I literally create food from blood using only my body. I have an imperfect body, but I am comfortable in my skin and I love that I am able to run and jump and tumble and play. No matter what anyone thinks about my genotype, phenotype, lifestyle, strengths and weaknesses, and choices, I know I have unique abilities to make a difference in the world because I AM a woman, and that makes me different from men.
Employers can pay me less because I'm statistically more likely to leave for family reasons - that makes sense for them. It doesn't mean I'm less valuable than a man in the job; it means I'm a bigger risk to take on since I have other priorities. I'm happy that as a woman, my biggest priority is keeping my home and family in order. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I am, in fact, PROUD of the home and family I hold together.
Amy- thanks for the excellent comment! Did you feel like a nurturer before having kids?
Your question about cultural constructs is interesting. I think that I am proud to be a woman, in some ways, because feminism-as-construct has encouraged me to be proud of my sex. And I like to be different. Feminism gives me the grounds to assert how I am unique (at least, from 50% of the rest of the world's (male) population). And I like getting feisty and upset about things like patriarchal domination. It's interesting, then, to think about how both feminism and patriarchy are cultural constructs.
Is it possible to be wholly proud of yourself as a person, regardless of considering your biological sex? I wonder if our culture today is so aware of gender that it is impossible to have a neutral view of yourself and/or others. (But that being said - should people have a neutral view of themselves and others?) Perhaps because society focuses so much on gender, we are forced to take a stance and find pride in our biological sex.
So...I guess that I also take pride in my sex because culture has directed or allowed me to do so?
M, I had to giggle a little when you said you like to get feisty about these things because, as you know, so do I.
I like to think we could all just be content with ourselves because of our individual traits rather than the ones constructed by culture. Women don't have to be nurturers unless they actually feel that in themselves; men don't have to be dominant or emotionless unless that's actually one of their personality traits, etc etc. But society, media, church all tell us women are supposed to be emotional, men stoic, women gossipy, men sports-obsessed...so how do we find an identity beyond that?
This is a very complicated question for me, because sometimes I feel like I best celebrate my womanhood by not putting much emphasis on it. Women have traditionally been defined in relation to men or as "special" versions of men (cf., the Bechdel test, the Smurfette principle, Deborah Tannen's essay "There is no unmarked woman"), so I feel that focusing on myself just as a person gives me the opportunity to reboot my self-definition and not limit myself or the emotional or psychological space that I allow myself to inhabit.
Fautie says:
I think this topic should be titles after the words of the great Helen Reddy "I am Woman, watch hear me roar"
Here are the words to the whole song I give in tribute to all the women I love so much:
(Helen Reddy and Ray Burton)
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
Oh, yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand
Oh, yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
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