Friday, May 25, 2012

where is home?

When my little sister Kate was 7 or 8, she started calling me a hobo. It was unthinkable to her little child brain that someone would move around as much as I did...not that I really did, but being a college student always seems to warrant frequent moves. Since we were married, T-rav and I have lived in 8 places in 9 years in 5 different states (and 2 countries if you count the summer in Guatemala), and, as most of you know, much of that time has been spent in Utah. But Utah never really felt like home. It was always a place I was living temporarily until we moved to our "real" home. Wherever that was.

In truth, I've felt in-limbo for a long time. Although I don't really want to choose a place to settle down (ah, the dreaded word settle. It sends shivers through my spine), I sometimes think it might be nice to have a place that was my place. A place where I belong. Because if I can't spend all my time wandering around the globe, I'd like to have a little house with a grand yard and chickens and the best garden you've seen in a long time. And maybe a few goats. And fruit trees. 

This past week when I was back in Utah visiting my sister and her new baby and all the friends I left behind when I moved to DC, I thought that I might feel a little like I was returning home again. But I didn't. Not really. It was lovely to visit, and in many ways I felt like I had never left, but I didn't feel that sense of belonging that I was searching for. 

So did I feel like I was home when I returned to DC? Not particularly, though more so than in Utah. I'm starting to think that perhaps I have the wrong idea of what "home" means (and please don't tell me that "home is where the heart is" because my heart is generally in Italy or Ireland or the Falkland Islands). Usually I feel like my home is where I grew up, my parent's home, but my father usually tries to make it clear that it's not my home any more (particularly when I'm contemplating a house remodel without him). So where is home? What makes you feel like you're home?

Update: T-rav accidentally suggested that I might feel more at home if I had a dog (accidentally because he really doesn't want one). I think he's right. I need a dog.

9 comments:

Travis said...

wow. I didn't realize we'd moved so many times. For me, I think home would involve owning the house/apartment where I live. As long as you're renting you can't change things, fix things, work on motorcycles in your garage, have chickens without asking, etc. Maybe I just need a motorcycle and our current place would be home. Maybe we should try it?

JosephJ said...

Go for the bike, Travis!

We have a habit of increasing our tenure at each location we move to.

3 mos. summer internship
6 mos. uncle's house
10 mos. the slums
2.5 yrs. Beautiful 100 East!
5 yrs. our rental duplex here.

As time moves on, we get closer to home. We had a baby in this house, I've done a ton of vegetable gardening here, made many car repairs in the driveway... never received a property tax bill, though. I know the local history and the town like the back of my hand. I'm home enough.

I like the idea of doing a remodel. Will that make me really home? If that's the case, then there are many people in this part of the country who will never have the chance to arrive home. :(

ixoj said...

Chavez, you already know the stipulations on the bike.

Joe, I think that part of it might be time spent and connection to the community. Maybe that's what I'm missing here.

We really need to go visit you guys.

JosephJ said...

yes indeed, you do!

You'll start to feel home if you read the minutes to the town meetings, go to the town parade, enroll in one of your rec department's programs.

Go to the library and see what the local historical commission was proud enough to get published (we have several DVD's... the ones I've tried are "History of the [town] Fire Department" and "History of the [town] Police Department". Not quite Ken Burns, but really great, still. Find out when/why your town was settled, and visit the "old burying ground" cemeteries. Then you'll love your new home town!

JosephJ said...

So... Boston in the fall? Second week in October?

Kristi said...

That's funny. I caught myself referring to NY as home today at work. I said, "I'm hoping to go home to NY in August" and then I removed the home from my email bc I thought my boss might find that strange since I live here. NY will always be home. That's where we've spent the majority of our life (although you're getting close to not ;) ;) hahha just kidding). Anyway, NY is home...

M said...

Even though I have lived in several places since being married, I think that I feel most invested in a place (and call it "home") if I have a garden. Did you feel like your house in Provo was your home, because of your magnificent garden there? Of all the places that you have lived (although I know that I didn't see all of them), your Provo house on 100 East seemed the most like your home. The front yard just screamed to me "IXOJ LIVES HERE!"

ixoj said...

Hey sister. Watch it. You're getting a bit older as well...and you've lived away from NY for almost as long as I have.

M, yes, it's true. I need a garden to feel connected. The upstairs on 100 E definitely felt like home. And I think our Orem house did too.

Lauren Hill said...

haha. We refer to NC as home because that's where we own our house, but we just make a home wherever the Marine corps sends us, I guess. I know the feeling!