the eleventies

As I leapt off the tallest stool I could find on New Year's Eve at 11:59:59 (a tradition passed on by my childhood best friend's Norwegian mother), I found myself thinking something along the lines of "good bloody riddance 2010!" rather than my usual wish for the new year. Not that 2010 was particularly awful; I had a decent albeit severely underpaid job, T-rav went back to school (alhamdulillah!), we lived in a lovely house with superb neighbors, my sister moved back to the area, I took Irish dance AND karate, and we got chickens. Really, not much to complain about. But my general feeling for most of the year was blah. Blah blah blah. It was a year of stagnant monotony, and more often than I like to admit, I was grumpy, irritable, depressed, and unpleasant to be around, especially for my poor T-rav. I'm glad 2010 is over.

Sometimes I think it's silly that we make goals and resolutions for the coming year. As if one particular day really made things a clean slate, fresh and new. Nothing magically changes once the clock strikes 12:00 on January 1st. I'm probably still a surly disconsolate beast. But...I'm hopeful that 2011 will bring a bit more excitement and a whole lot of change with it. And so, in the spirit of hopefulness, here are a few of my goals/hopes/wishes for the eleventies.

1. Move out of Utah. And stay out. Not that there's anything wrong with Utah, I've just been here too long.
2. Travel somewhere outside of the US and Canada. Some days my wanderlust is so tangible it's painful. I itch to go somewhere.
3. Finish the study Raceli and I are working on and submit it for publication.
4. Compare, criticize, and complain less.
5. Find some way to raise substantial money for the Haitian school belonging to my former student. Ideas would be appreciated.
6. Win out (reach the pre-champ level) in all my dances in Irish dance. I have a LOT of practicing ahead of me.
7. Become better friends with myself.
8. Go on the road trip I've been secretly planning.
9. Read more. About a wider variety of things.

Wish me luck.

Trav told me it was high time to put up a new post on here. Something about being sick of self-deprecation...

So here's an update on the past 4 weeks:

• We went to Idaho for Christmas and spent the time lounging, eating, chatting, laughing, etc. It was lovely to be spoiled like a child again.
• I got an immersion blender and pie weights for Christmas. Huzzah!
• I realized being an adjunct at UVU puts me near the poverty line. Lovely.
• We watched all of season 7 of The West Wing (the final season) in 3 days. Except the last episode. I'm saving that one because I'm not ready to be done with it.
• Our chickens were brutally attacked by an over-sized husky. One was killed, 2 lost all their tail feathers, and 1 remained unscathed.
• School starts this week. I need another week off.
• T-rav got an internship in DC for the summer. Which means we're FINALLY leaving Utah. The plan is to find a job there and stay for a while.

How was your holiday?

self-deprecation

Sometimes words cannot express what I'm thinking and feeling. I feel mute, voiceless, helpless to express my rage, joy, discouragement, anxiety. I haven't yet mastered the ability to identify and come to terms with my own emotions. Writing things down sometimes makes it easier, unless I read what I wrote and realize that I sound like a imbecile. Or think I do. I have been known to go back through previous journal entries and "edit" things I didn't like. I even occasionally make rude comments to myself, mocking the ridiculousness of whatever I had said. It's really not much motivation for journal writing. It also makes it hard to articulate any of those thoughts out loud...for if i find myself worthy of ridicule, won't everyone else?

the perfect jeans

I'm being punished.

Nearly 2 months ago I splurged and spent an exorbitant amount of money (for me, at least) on a pair of jeans. The price shall remain a mystery, but let's just say that when I tried them on, I was so convinced of their awesomeness that I shed my usual penny-pinching attitude and bought them anyway.

Then came the remorse. These jeans sat on my dresser in the bag with the receipt for 2 weeks. I agonized about them, thinking of all the excuses why I shouldn't keep them; I couldn't possibly pay for crummy jeans that cost that much! But I was finally convinced by the fact that it usually takes me a good 6 months of hunting before finally finding a pair with buying. At any price. So spending a little more on 1 pair shouldn't be the end of the world, right?

Once I decided to actually put them on, I remembered that they were a good 6 inches too long. Off they went to a friend's house to be hemmed. Alas, I didn't measure very well, and we, or rather, she, since I was only good for conversation while she sewed, hemmed them a bit too long. So they returned to their place on top of my dresser until last week when my sister-in-law re-hemmed them for me.

And now that I can actually wear them with no excuse, I'm finding them a bit less amahzing than I originally thought. Did I really pay ___$ for jeans that are already exceedingly faded in certain places? And maybe I widened up a little over Thanksgiving, but I don't recall them being quite so stretched in the waist...and hemming flared pants often ruins the shape of the leg...

I suppose it's what I deserve. Next time I'll stick with a cheap pair. At least I'm only out 20$ if I decide I don't love them after all.

28

I will be 28 in just barely over a week, and I'm approaching this birthday with a bit of trepidation. I graduated from high school ten years ago. I've been out of school (well, finished my most recent degree, I should say, since I can't resist taking classes while I teach) for 3 years. I've been living in Utah for far longer than I ever intended. I'm only 2 years from 30.

Twenty-eight sounds old. Like someone who should have a real direction in life and be doing something worthwhile like working at a real job where she intends to stay for a while or one that has benefits (at least that's what my dad tells me). A twenty-eight year old should know how to curl her hair. She should be able to properly apply eye liner. And she should especially own a stunning black dress.

There's a small part of me that doesn't mind getting older. The part that thinks it's silly to fret about 28 or 30 or 45, especially when people routinely think I'm barely 20. This wise part knows to embrace life with each stage that passes.

But still...I can't help thinking...can't I just stay 27?

Wise Mongolians

If I ever have a baby, I'm going to swaddle him/her just like this:

It's brilliant! Notice how the wrapping is tied- there's no wiggling out of this burrito. I think you could toss the newborn around with no adverse effects.

And then, if s/he is starting to want a bit more freedom, we'll graduate to this:

election day

To vote...

Or not to vote?

At UVU there's a sign on the wall of the International Center that says "Half of the American people have never read the newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half" (Gore Vidal).

On a day like today, I suppose we have four main groups of people: (1) those who are moderately informed and educated on the candidates; (2) those who vote and have very little idea aside from what they've seen/heard on the advertisements; (3) those who have no idea and vote anyway; (4) those who don't care and don't vote.

But how common do you think it is for people to vote on issues they know nothing about? I've also been wondering how common it is for people just pick a random name for races they know nothing about or how many just leave it blank. If I don't know anything about a person/issue, I generally leave it blank (ok maybe I occasionally vote for someone from a party you've never heard of. It's for moral support!). Maybe you just shouldn't vote if you don't know about the issues.

So do you think it is more important to be an informed voter or to do your civic duty? But isn't it part of our civic duty to be at least somewhat knowledgeable on the things we're helping our government decide?

what do you smell like?

Today in class we were talking about American hygiene (which the Brazilians thought was border line dirty and the European thought was possibly over the top), a student asked me if American men wear cologne.

I had to pause to consider my answer. Yes, they wear it. But I think there's something about the 5 foot rule- if you can smell the cologne from more than 5 feet away, it's too strong...or something like that. I told him that yes, they wear it, but it's usually not very strong. He was wondering because someone actually said this to him in the mall the other day:

girl: Hey, are you gay?
male student: Um, no. Why do you ask me this?
girl: Because I can smell you from a mile away!

There's really no response. Who says something like that to a total stranger?! Now this student happens to be from a country where men typically were cologne and a lot of it. The more important the occasion, the stronger he smells. He doesn't always wear it for school (which may tell you something about why his grades aren't so stellar), but I've noticed that when he wears it, he wears it. You can smell him from the other side of the room. It usually smells nice enough, but not being a perfume wearer myself due to the instant headache no matter the quantity or quality, I usually keep my distance.

I like the idea of perfume. I like smelling the little sample sticks that come in magazines. I like looking at the lovely bottles and thinking about old fashioned perfume pumps (my grandma used to have some of those). I just can't handle walking around all day with a fuzzy brain. Even scented lotions sometimes bother me.

My sister usually wears perfume or some kind of body spray when she dresses up. My mom wears it all the time. My dad wears cologne for special occasions? or possibly all the time. I'm not sure. My grandpa smells like aftershave. My grandma smells like Tide and Bounce. But I couldn't recall smelling perfume on many of my friends. What do you guys smell like?

If you get enough people to say you're right, does that make you right?

What will happen if Palestine convinces the world to declare it a state? Will it actually work?

May I draw your attention to the "Books I've been reading lately" list. If you've paid any attention at all to my list, you may now notice that something is missing. Something that has been on the list for far too long. After 2 long years (2 summers actually) I have finally, FINALLY finished Harry Potter e il Principe Mezzosangue, aka Harry Potter #6. In Italian. It took me many moons and the all-too-constant assistance of a dictionary. But I finished.

Finalmente!