As much as I'm all for being all natural in all kinds of ways, I have a problem with a situation like this:
Mother and child are in the shared faculty office room at a state university. Child is walking around the room, curiously examining anything she can find. Child gets bored and walks over to mother.
Child: Mommy, I'm hungry.
Mother: Ok, Would you like to nurse or eat a sandwich?
Child: I want to nurse.
Mother: OK, climb up.
Child climbs up on mother's lap on her own and ducks under the blanket mother has to cover herself. Child starts to eat.
Mother: Honey, be gentle. No pinching.
Child: Sorry, mommy.
Mother: It's ok. Just remember not to pinch.
I'm not about to tell someone when the proper time is to stop nursing, but I was kind of shocked that a kid who can walk around and speak in perfectly complete sentences is still nursing.
I know this is quite common in 3rd world countries, but how often have you seen this in the US?
13 comments:
Ew. Maybe she's trying to make sure he never sees breasts as anything other than bloated food dispensers. The oldest (and grossest) I've heard of a child breastfeeding is nine years old. Gross, huh?
Amy,
Why is it gross?
Amy- (my earthy friend amy)
When do women usually stop breastfeeding? Or when is a good time to stop? If there ever is a "should" on this matter, when "should" a woman ween her child?
i didn't nurse Carter. Anderson weened himself at 11 months. I think 12-15 months is the socially acceptable age to ween but every one has a different opinion. it's really up to ones own comfort level. for me, 11 months was perfect.
I am quite pleased to be known as your earthy friend Amy. When I am one day sporting a long gray braid, I suspect nobody will be surprised.
I think it is interesting, sad, really, that breastfeeding is understood in terms of social propriety rather than what it is: the only normal way to feed babies. To begin an answer to your question, ixoj, the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of two years (it is believed that it takes that long for the kid's immune system to be mature enough to thrive without mother's milk.) The American Association of Pediatrics says at LEAST one year, and both organizations agree that for the first six months mother's milk should be the baby's only food: no supplementation or substitutions whatsoever. A good rule of thumb is no supplemenary foods until the kid starts grabbing at them. A good book on childhood nutrition is "Disease Proof your Child" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman.
Breasts primary anatomical function IS as food dispensers; I wish I were confused by non-earthy Amy's interpretation of this fact as gross, but her view is common. I don't think there is anything necessarily magical or fabulous about breastfeeding and I am not trying to extol it. Rather, I see breastfeeding as simply the normal and safe way for babies to eat. I think people need to rethink what the mammary glands on their chest are all about. I'll give you a hint; the answer isn't reinforcing (many) men's already fetishized feelings about them.
My favorite books on breastfeeding are "The Politics of Breastfeeding" by Gabrielle Palmer and "The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers" by Dr. Jack Newman. These two texts will tell you more than you ever knew you didn't know about breastfeeding.
I hope I don't tick anybody off. It's been known to happen.
I absolutely respect any one elses opinion about breastfeeding. I do think Amy's choice of words is quite interesting. Having spent time around my two boys, I can tell you that at one, they still seem like babies at one and a half, not as much. And if we go back to Kelly's original post about the child asking for it, sometimes, a lot of times, at 18 months or 2, the child is old enough to ask in decently complete sentences to nurse.
Also, if I might add, I do agree that breast milk is the best choice for babies. I do have the experience of knowing that sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work out according as planned. And that's okay.
To be honest, I think that parenthood is hard enough on it's own and the judgement of others just makes it harder. As hard has it is to do this, if everyone focused all of their energy in making the right decisions for their family, there would be less energy spent on judging others for the decisions they are making for their own.
Fautie says:
if I recall our neighbor to the west of us used to nurse her babies at least till they were almost 2.
I do not think there is a rule but if the kid can speak in sentences nursing them just seems wrong and odd.
I wrote that comment in the middle of a particularly heinous bout of insomnia. The tone was not what I intended. I'm sorry.
I don't think I have ever felt judgment for a mom or how she feeds her baby. I do think it is a sad and corrupt system where breasts are sexualized to the point they are rendered dysfunctional. I also think it is sad that for many reasons, including the above, many women feel uncomfortable or unable to nurse their children for as long as would be optimal. But my complaint is with a crazy culture, not the loving moms trying to navigate it. Moms do a great work, even moms who formula feed their babies from the first day. If they don't do better it is the fault of a culture that does not support them, not their own.
Part of my defensiveness about gauging when to wean on verbal skills is that I spoke in full sentences before I was a year old. It so happened my mother had already weaned me (which she may have tried harder to avoid if she had better information). To wean an eleven month old baby just because she is verbally precocious would be a shame. For this reason I think verbal skills are a poor indicator that a person's GI tract no longer benefits from breastmilk which, as I said, continues to provide substantial immunity benefits (against sickness, food allergies, etc) until at least two years of age.
I second my own recommendation for those books I mentioned before. They're great...but not as great as moms! Sorry I was unclear about with whom I had beef :) I am judging a culture that makes it harder to me to raise my family and you to raise yours...but not with either you or me!
Thank you, Diana. I have not been successful at BF any of my children for more than three weeks and I'd prefer not to hear the "you didn't try hard enough" speech again. This is a very sensitive topic to me because I was judged for not BF by people who don't know the circumstances. That said, I do not judge those who BF for however long they feel the need.
Thanks Amy for your comments on the matter. I always know where to turn for women's health issues!
Diana, Danette:
It's good to hear a mom's perspective. Having never had a child myself, I can only make educated guesses about these things.
momma weaned me at 6 months and i think i turned out great. i dont think breatfeeding me anymore than that would have produced a perahps desierable effect of me growing bigger. its just not in the genes. anyway breat feed til whenever you want but hopefully not when the kid is like 5. thats just wierd, and YES it is wierd because kids have all their teeth by five and can eat anything they need for good health. and if you decide to stop breastfeeding when the kid asks for it, then in the case of my sister in laws baby (sho is 4 months old) the baby would not be breatfeeding anymore, but rather, she owuld be eating solely adult food as she goes crazy when she sees adults eating and she starts making chewing motions and hollars until someone lets her taste the potatoes on their plate, or the ice cream cone or the coca cola! she has been eating ice cream since she was 2 months old. my kind of kid. smart girl :)
Fautie says:
I think Amy makes some very good points. I like her attitude about this.
I guess my view at oddness of seeing speaking child (and I was thinking along the lines of two years old plus) is more a cultural thing. My wife breast fed all our kids up to six or nine months or so but might have done so longer if she had better equipment. She just was not a big producer (which would have been bad for her were she a cow on the family dairy she works on).
And if a man may opine on the sexualization issue of this part of the female anatomy I will. Part of that is just wired into us men. Part is cultural. But I agree that the main function of breasts are to feed babies. Perhaps working on a dairy farm for a few years and of course living just down the road from my wife's family dairy for many years helps me with this.
There was one more thing I wanted to mention...
There has been significant epidemiological research done on rates of breast cancer among women demonstrating the inverse relationship between length of time lactating and breast cancer. Breastfeeding, it seems, is not merely protective of babies, but of their moms, too. The longer you breastfeed the more cancer protections. Hoo-ray!
Fautie, I didn't mean to insinuate that there should be no sex appeal to breasts. I do think this phenomenon is mainly a social construct (a POWERFUL POWERFUL social construct not to be made light of) but I don't see anything wrong with it. I just think that if at any point breasts' sexual role displaces their primary nurturing role, something is, obviously, out of whack. I got no problem with men thinking breasts are beautiful!
Again, to all, sorry if you feel misunderstood or judged. If you didn't breastfeed for as long as would be optimal, I don't think it is your fault. Women should have easier access to the wealth of information available that makes breastfeeding the easy pleasure it should be. Epidurals during birth, using pacifiers and supplementary formula, and many other factors can complicate a woman's ability to breastfeed successfully and produce adequate milk. I hope to be a source of information to women who find themselves wanting to optimize their breastfeeding opportunity so that fewer women encounter (And promote the normalcy of) these avoidable problems.
Good luck, women one and all.
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