Last night we were invited to a non-lds foreign friend's house for a dinner party. This was our evening's schedule: we arrived around 5, chatted and snacked for about an hour, started on dinner around 6 while our hostess cooked and brought out dish after dish, sat around the table for the next few hours chatting, had dessert at about 8:30, chatted some more, and finally left at about 11. I think our hosts were slightly surprised that we (there were 5 of us, all lds) stayed so late. Apparently their experience has been that lds people expect to eat dinner right when they arrive, eat, talk for a while, then leave within about 2 hours of arrival. Having not been invited to many dinner parties in my life (after all, dinner at your non lds friend's house when you're 16 hardly counts as an official invitation), I was wondering if this is an lds custom or an American custom. What are the usual expectations for a normal non-lds American dinner party?
I was also wondering about this: what do you expect when you invite someone over for dinner? If I invite you over, I'm offering dinner and, as long as I don't have something pressing later on that evening, inviting you to stay as long as you'd like (usually I prefer it that way. I feel empty inside when people leave). On the other hand, when I am invited to someone's house for dinner, I usually feel like I've overstayed my welcome if it's been more than 3 hours.
And this: if you bring something with you to dinner, do you expect to take home the leftovers? Or do you expect to leave them with the host?
9 comments:
Fautie the cultural failure says:
I really do not know. There is no written rule that I am aware of. Most the time I would expect that if I invite someone over it is for the evening, within reason. I do not think someone staying over till 3 PM would be my cup of tea. But a reasonable hour sure. Some folks stay some don't. I know I have had some over and they leave pretty early. I have felt like saying "hey the night is young!" and then I wonder if they just wanted to get away.
LDS people mostly are not late night people so maybe 10 PM is all they can handle.
When I have gone over to others homes I play it by ear. Is the conversation going well or lagging. Do my hosts act like they are ready for the night to end. Are other guests departing. AM I THE LAST ONE THERE?
Basically I think you just have to roll with it and try to sense what is expected when you are the guest. And when you are the host let them know they are welcome to hang out.
Fautie Hill
In brazil when you try to leave and if it's before 11 they say, "but it's still early!" And i want to hit them!!! Cause if I want to go home before 11, especially if I have been there since like 2 in the afternoon, I want to be able to go without feeling like i am offending them for leaving. geeze. Brazilians tend to stay for looooooooong periods of time. i cant handle it. Last weekend we were having lunch at mert's family's house...and it felt like pulling teeth to leave after being there for 4 or 5 hours! haha. I get tired of staying at people's houses for too long.
I felt so bad leaving Jumana's house so soon after eating but it was a school night and I still lived in SLC at that time. I just skimmed your post so I'll have to read it more carefully soon.
YES ON THE GRADING!!!! I give two finals today then I need to be grading nonstop Tues and Wed. I give one more final Thurs. Let's talk!!
When I'm hosting I try to ask our guests if they need to be home by a certain time . . . otherwise, P and I will talk and entertain till 12 or 1am. Mostly, that's just because we get so excited when friends come over. Peeps here are so busy all the time it's a rare occasion when we can lure friends to our house :) That said, when people have kids, parties and get-togethers get much shorter. And sometimes not as fun.
I love what Kristi said about Brazil...so true....i love Brazil and the funny things they do :) This is a great question!
Interesting post. We had our European friends over for dinner a week or so ago, and they mentioned something about this too. I am not sure whether it is an LDS thing or an American thing or what.
When I invite people for dinner, I assume that they will stay and talk after dinner. When people eat and run...I don't know I feel like they ought to stay a while and visit.
I agree with Fautie, let them know they are invited for the entire evening and when you are the guest, try to interpret what the host wants
In my experience it has not been an LDS thing. Generally, whenever I go to an LDS person's home for dinner, we end up staying FOREVER, playing games, chatting, etc. It is significantly shorter if we don't know them all that well. When we were in Frence it was even worse. Dinner always started hours after we arrived, LDS or not. I remember starting to eat well after 9 pm oftentimes. Also, when we ate with refugees in America, it also was a LONG event. We were always the first to leave and that was only because we were so exhausted, we had to go home. So I think it is an American thing.
I agree with Fautie in playing it by ear and reading the hosts. If they are standing up and appear to be done partying, best be heading home. When we invite people over, we intend on them staying as long as they like. If they have kids, we just put them to bed and keep the party going.
Finally, I think you take the leftovers home if they are in a dish that is yours. If it is ice cream or cookies or some other food not in a dish, then I say leave it there, unless the host doesn't want it. Good luck entertaining.
I hate to take leftovers home with me. I also expect to stay late! It is a party!
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