The longer I have a real job, the more I realize I have a bit of a complex about something. UVU has recently hired quite a few new adjunct instructors (speculation on the reasons why there is such a need for new faculty there is a topic for another day). Among the new faculty are a couple older guys, a British? (I've only heard her say about 4 words) woman, and 2 youngish girls like myself. I know very little about them other than they both went to BYU. I don't know what they studied, when they graduated, how long or where they've taught, what kind of people they are...you get the picture. I don't know these peeps one bit.
And yet I feel completely threatened by them. And I want to dislike them.
But just the younger girls. I feel this overwhelming urge to try to prove myself whenever they're around. Show them that I'm established here at UVU, that I'm Important. But I'm really not. I'm just an adjunct too. But I want them to know that I've been around, I'm not the new girl any more.
I'm sure this probably has something to do with all my insecurities about things. If I had a tidge more self esteem maybe I wouldn't waste my time worrying. But I also wonder if this isn't just a natural form of competition? Maybe? Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets like this once in a while.
5 comments:
Don't worry Tia. You're smart and you're the new adjunct liaison. I always wonder the same things when new people show up at my job. 3 new people have showed up here this week.
Dont worry irma. ;) I always feel like that, too. Its normal. Its the animal kingdom sort of thing- you are on a somewhat higher link in the food chain and you don't want to feel threatened by the peasley newbies. Its normal. I felt that way at Wizard sometimes...and imagine once I am at a job again for a long period of time, I will still feel that way :) You are smart though and have good experience so don't sweat it. (Just try and find out as much about these new people as possible) and seriously, UVU hiring a BRIT? Is it for ESL or something else???
While I agree that the reason we get competitive like this is due to our insecurities, I think it's quite normal. We all do it to some degree. We are territorial animals. Anyway, I wouldn't stress about it too much, I'm sure you're the best teacher anyway:)
Fautie says;
Welcome to the world of office politics, posturing and positioning. It is great fun
time for a new blog please....!
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