I used to sing. At BYU, I was in women's chorus for 2 (or 3? M, help, I can't remember!) years, and then I joined the awesome community choir called the Christmas Chorus. It's a women's choir and only meets for Christmas music and Benjamin Britten's Ceremony of Carols. We sing in the chapel by the state mental hospital in Provo (yes, in the picture on the left. If you look really close, you might be able to see me in the back middle). We wear gynormous homemade green bag skirts and white blouses with red holly/ivy vests that are made for women significantly more endowed in the bust than I am. Sometimes we are great and sometimes we are...less than great. But it is always fun.And now I live far away and have no choir in which to sing. This makes me sad. So this morning I decided to look up some local choirs and see if anything tickled my fancy. And of course I found lots of great choirs--it is DC, after all. But the more I looked, the more I saw the word "audition" lurking about.
Audition.
Audition.
AUDITION!
And it fills my heart with terror.
Not that I expected anything different. Of course I would need to audition to get into a choir. Especially a really great one that sings motets and cantatas all the time. But auditions and I have never really gotten along.
It started back in 6th grade when I realized that the 350-pound, loud talking, poofy-haired, abrasive/terrifying teacher named Ms. Pagano was also the drama teacher. There was no way in hell I was going to try out for anything in front of that woman. She might as well be Mrs. Trunchbull, thought I. And then freshman year I went to a Women's Chorus audition high on lortab and other various painkillers for the chronic migraines I'd been having. What I can remember of that audition (which isn't much) is hazy at best. Let's just say it went less than desired.
But the mere thought of auditioning for something literally makes me shake with dread (no really. My hands will start shaking any minute now). I've never been very confident singing alone in front of others (unless those others are family, close friends, or Kathleen Battle and Frederica von Stade or Renee Flemming, who won't talk back no matter how I sound). I hate solos. I hate auditions. Something weird happens when I'm forced to perform on command. My voice suddenly isn't mine and I realize everyone is listening to me and I think I sound like a dying cat and I panic. And then I lose my notes and my concentration and it's a disaster from then on. Luckily I've been able to avoid this situation most of my life by just avoiding auditions in general...but I'm not sure how to get around it this time.
Maybe I should try hypnosis.
5 comments:
I was just trying to think of how long we both sang in Women's Chorus. I think we both sang for two years, but we only overlapped for one year. (Is that right?)
I can understand your nerves about auditions. I hope you still try for one of the choirs, though. You would have so much fun! I've also been thinking of doing the same thing. Something needs to fill the empty void in our lives, since we don't have Christmas Chorus anymore.
P.S. That picture is fantastic!
Is the Christmas Chorus directed by Martha Sargent?
Yes, Martha Sargent has been director for over 30 years. That's the back of her lovely head in the picture.
Fautie says:
Yes I see your itty bitty head in the back middle!
As for auditioning, well it is time to suck it up and go for it. You sing so beautifully and I don't say that because I am your dad. Best way to get past something you are scared of is to do it. So go eat that green frog. You won't regret it.
Post a Comment