but i deserve it

No, you don't. You really really don't.

So this morning, T-rav sent me a link to an article in the Deseret News and Salt Lake Tribune about an Iraqi guy who recently arrived in the US as a refugee. He has quite the tragic story: he worked as an interpreter for the Army, hired through the independent contracting company by the name of L3, and somehow lost both of his legs while serving. He claims his medical treatment from L3 was not fantastic, and the prosthetic legs he was given are too heavy and painful for him to use. But luckily, he was granted refugee status by the US (as he would most likely be killed if he returned to his hometown) and was shipped over here for a new life. Unluckily, the airline he flew on to the US managed to destroy his motorized wheelchair on the flight, and he hasn't yet been given a new one (he does have a hand-operated chair); he was only greeted at the airport by a Somali guy who had a funny accent; his apartment is tiny and by the freeway; he's only been given "normal" refugee status...etc, etc.

Now, this is all really terrible. Because of the service this man provided his country and our own, he can no longer live in safety in Iraq.

However...that does not mean that the US owes him. He worked as a private contractor who understood the risks of his job. I'm sure he was paid much more than he ever would have made at a regular job. Yes, we should be grateful for what he's done, but does that mean that we need to shower all glory, laud, and honor upon him? Does he deserve a brand new life handed to him on a silver platter?

NO.

This attitude is something that I think has become more and more pervasive in our society these days. Everyone thinks that the government owes them this and that because, well, I work hard and should be rewarded, right?

But what I think is even more interesting to watch is how different cultures view entitlement. Take two groups of refugees that T-rav works with: Iraqis and Burmese. Both have fled their countries because of war and unrest. Both are lucky to have been given a new life in the US. The Burmese have often been born and raised in refugee camps. When they get to the US, they are grateful and gracious for all the resettlement agency does for them. They rarely ask for extras, but are usually glad simply to have a chance to start over. On the other had, the Iraqis have often been living in Jordan or Syria before they arrive in the US. Some of them are educated, some of them are not. Many of them come from middle or upper class Iraq and had homes, jobs, and cars before they left. But when they get to the US, many (not all-remember, these are just generalizations) of them are disappointed and even resentful of the things they don't have. They ask why they don't have a TV, where is their computer, why their apartment is so small and simple, why they don't get a new car, why haven't they gotten their living stipend yet, why it isn't more, etc., etc.

I don't know if these differences are in part because one group had nothing in a refugee camp and one group had a little (or a lot) in another country. But either way, these people have nothing to complain about. They come with a group like the IRC or Catholic Community Services, who provide them with food, clothing, housing, jobs, English classes, integration into the US, support, immigration services (green cards, citizenship, etc), Medicaid, bus passes...and the list goes on. These same refugees also fail to notice that many of the people who work at the resettlement agencies and hear the constant barrage of demands are often over-educated, underpaid, and could easily get a much more lucrative job at a for-profit company.

The good news is that not everyone acts like this. There are plenty of stories of people who truly appreciate the chance they've been given at a new life. But those who haven't managed to learn to be grateful, I have 1 thing to say to you:

Life doesn't owe you anything.

the need for mental health

This past Sunday (as T-rav was out of town) I skipped out on my ward and went to Katherine's single's ward. Her Relief Society had planned a special lesson about mental health issues, given by 2 family therapists/social workers-in-training. Katherine was exceedingly excited about it, and since I usually feel like I could use a few tips when it comes to mental health (Feelings? You mean you actually want me to talk about them? I think I'll just slip out the side door instead...), I decided to go.

Overall, the lesson was fantastic. The teachers addressed depression, self-esteem, happiness, and positive thinking. They emphasized things like if you're feeling like you should talk to a counselor or therapist about your problems, maybe you should; you don't need to be happy all the time; it's ok to be sad; striving for perfection doesn't mean you have to be perfect right now; comparing yourself to others always results in you seeing the best of the other and the worst in yourself; physical touch is important to most people's happiness (we learned about hug therapy: you need 4 hugs per day for survival, 8 for maintenance, 12 for growth as a person).

I found all of this to be very informative and helpful, as did most of the girls attending. But it did cause me to wonder why this is such an issue for women today. And is it more of an issue for LDS women? Or more specifically, is it more of an issue for BYU college women? Is there something about "Mormon culture" that increases self-negativity in women? Or do women (and even men?) from all walks of life suffer from these same feelings of inadequacies and depression, but simply hide it better by use of drugs, alcohol, sex, etc?

What do you think?

solitude

This weekend, T-rav flew up to northern Idaho to go on a little father-son camping trip, so for the first time in quite a while, I'm on my own for the whole weekend. And I love it.

There's something about being alone at times that I find very fulfilling. This is not to say that I don't love having people around- I really really do (so please don't take this as an indirect request to stay away). I'm sure the novelty of solitude would quickly pass if I were alone on an extended basis (if my husband were gone for 1 whole year, for example). However, it's nice at times to have a little peace and quiet, with no need to entertain anyone or make conversation.

Right now, I have the entire house to myself; I can cook what I want, blast my Latin pop or Bach concertos, read for hours, watch the national spelling bee (which was quite fascinating), work in my garden, or revel in the silence, all relatively without interruption. It's fantastic.

The only damper to my enjoyment comes when well-meaning friends take it upon themselves to relieve me of my solitude. After all, who could possibly want to spend the weekend by themselves? Normally, I would not resent most intrusions upon my day. But I don't need people to come visit me more than usual just because my husband is gone for 4 days.

I promise I'll survive.

Sometimes I just like to be alone.

good news and bad news

Here's the reply I received regarding my inquiry into the ideal job in Italy (it's the same woman I interviewed with last year).

(in case you were wondering, that is the EUSSR flag)

"I would be very interested in having you join our team, unfortunately, we have yet to find a way to hire U.S. citizens. I tried hiring a U.S. citizen last year and went through every seemingly possible means to do so but have as yet been unable to. I will keep you posted on any developments because I believe you would be an asset to our team and would fit in well." I will show your resumè to our lawyer to see if he sees any possibilities. There was some question last year as to hiring someone as a translator it was necessary to have some certificate or degree in translating to do so. The reason it is so difficult is due to the fact that there are native English speaking teachers available within the EU community."

Damn the EU.

And please pray really hard that she has an amazing lawyer.

my favorite things

I spent this weekend with my dear friends Michelle and Kim in Las Vegas. It was a fantastic trip for 3 reasons: (1) I visited Kim and Michelle; (2) I cooked delicious dinner with them (Curried Couscous with Chicken and Zucchini); (3) Vegas has greatly improved itself by adding an H&M, which I visited with great enthusiasm. And contrary to usual Vegas weather, it was chilly and rainy for the majority of the time, except for Monday, allowing us a quick dip in one of the three pools at Michelle's hotel, I mean apartment complex (it has 3 pools: 1 heated, 1 medium, 1 cold; 1 amazing club house with a huge exercise room; and, of course, Buddy and Michelle). Once my checkbook has recovered from being stretched so thin, I'll have to make another trip down...

a reason to chew slowly

I think my wisdom teeth are coming in.

This one's for Rapha

My sister, newly married and living in Brazil, has been griping that she never knows what to make for her "slightly"-picky-eater-husband. Perhaps this will tickle his fancy (and it even includes beans to mollify his Brazilian craving for legumes at the dinner table)

Black Bean and Chicken Chilaquiles
(from Cooking Light November 2006)

1 cup thinly sliced onion
5 garlic cloves, minced
2 cups shredded cooked chicken breast
1 (15-ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth
1 (7 3/4-ounce) can salsa
15 (6-inch) corn tortillas, cut into 1-inch strips
1 cup shredded white cheese

1. Preheat oven to 450°.
2. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat and spray pan with cooking spray or a bit of olive oil.
   
3. Add onion; sauté 5 minutes or until lightly browned. Then add garlic; sauté 1 minute.
   
4. Add chicken; cook 30 seconds.
   
5. Transfer mixture to a medium bowl; stir in beans.
   
6. Add broth and salsa to pan; bring to a boil.
   
7. Reduce heat, and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Set aside.
8. Place half of tortilla strips in bottom of an 11 x 7-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray.
   
9. Layer half of chicken mixture over tortillas; top with remaining tortillas and chicken mixture.
   
10. Pour broth mixture evenly over chicken mixture. Sprinkle with cheese.
    
11. Bake at 450° for 10 minutes or until tortillas are lightly browned and cheese is melted.

delicious simplicity

This is Trav's dinner of choice when it's his turn to cook (adapted from bettycrocker.com)

Fettuccine with Ricotta, Tomatoes and Basil

1/2 pound fettuccine pasta
2 tbsp melted butter
3/4 c ricotta cheese
1/2 c parmesan cheese
1 tomato, chopped
2 tbsp coarsely chopped fresh basil (or about 1 tsp dried)

optional additions:
4-5 slices of bacon, cooked and broken into pieces
1/2 bell pepper and 1/2 onion, sauteed in olive oil
1/2 c cooked chicken

1. Cook and drain pasta as directed.
2. Stir together butter, ricotta cheese and 1/3 c. parmesan cheese. Toss with hot fettuccine.
   
3. Top fettuccine with tomato, basil and remaining cheese (and everything else)
   

*You may need to adjust the ricotta cheese, depending on how much extra pasta or parmesan cheese you toss in.

Total time: 12 minutes.

John Adams

This month my book club choose to read David McCullough's biography, John Adams. Although there were some understandable feelings of apprehension from the ladies of my book club due to its size and content, I'm ever so grateful to Emily R. for having chosen it. It's a well written, fascinating history of both John Adams and America. (This is my favorite picture of Adams, age 89).

In reading this book, I was astounded at the sheer volume of research that was necessary to write a biography of this magnitude. Because of John Adams' love of writing (both in his journal and the thousands of letters he sent to family, friends, and other politicans- 5 miles worth of microfilm, actually), there is a plethora of material from which we can get to know John Adams. Unlike Thomas Jefferson, Adams is very explicit in describing his thoughts and feelings (both flattering himself and candidly admitting his many flaws), which allowed McCullough to write a biography that is historically accurate, interesting, and one that also enables the reader to get to know John Adams, inside and out. Although McCullough obviously respects and admires Adams, he is not afraid to point out some of the mistakes or flaws found in Adams character or in political decisions.

However, don't get into this book expecting a lesson in American history; this book follows Adams' life and how he fit into American history. Obviously, it covers the major events in America during his life, but not in great depth. (For example, Adams was in Europe for nearly all of the Revolutionary War). It's a biography, not a history book.

One thing I found especially interesting was the relationship between John and his wife, Abigail. Their relationship is one that you would expect more from a modern-day woman, not one of the 18th century. Abigail is delightful- she's brilliant, feisty, opinionated, well-informed, and a pillar of strength for her family and husband. Their correspondence together is one of the best parts of the book.

Aside from giving me a very new perspective on one of the most important founders of America, John Adams is a book I dreamed about (one night I was trying to convince the other states' delgates to sign the Declaration; another I was helping the Federalists campaign for Adams re-election), thought about, and couldn't put down.

You should read it.

Cuervos

Today I have decided to lavish praise upon my favorite women's fitness facility: Curves. I love it for so many reasons that it's hard to decide where to begin. First of all, Curves offers the unique opportunity for women of all shapes, sizes, and ages (anywhere from 16 to 89 at my Curves) to work out without being gawked by anyone of the opposite sex. Personally, I find it much more relaxing knowing that no one is checking me out while I grunt and sweat.

When you arrive for a workout at Curves, you join the "circuit" at any location. The circuit consists of hydraulic resistance equipment (which are "specially designed for woman") arranged in a circle, with a "recovery board" in between each machine. The machines work all the major muscle groups. Because the machines are hydraulic, the workout never gets too easy, unless you get lazy. The harder you push, pull or press, the more resistance the machine gives you (the "Pec Dec" is pictured to the right). The purpose of the recovery station is to "recover," but people also run in place, dance, jump, etc., in order to keep their heart rates up. You remain at each station for 30 seconds (changing when a recorded voice tells you to) and go around the circuit twice (or more, but if you really think you're that tough, I'd like to see you try), for a nice 30-minute workout. Then you stretch.

Another aspect of Curves is being "weighed and measured" by one of the Curves trainers. On a designated day (give or take a few) each month, you have the option to be weighed, have your measurements taken, and your body fat percentage calculated. This is very helpful for those who are trying to lose weight, and interesting for those who are simply trying to become more fit. For those who are wishing to loose more than just a few pounds, they also have a specialized diet plan. And it really works.

In case I've persuaded you to go check out your local Curves (they're all over the world- even the smallest, grungiest towns have a Curves), they're doing the largest women's fitness study of all time, and you can go for 1 month for $30 (normal membership fees are about $34 a month, and there is also a one-time membership fee). So go get off your bottom and start moving!